So this is it. The final month before we head off to college. When its probably the last time we'll see half the people we know ever again. When we'll probably frequent the Avenue, East Cobb Park, Town Center, Starbucks, Coldstone, the movie theater for the last time for a while with old chums and bump into other people doing the same. When our true friends start to separate from the
classroom-friends we've passed in the halls for the past 4, 7, even more years. When apprehension, tears, joy, fear, sadness, nostalgia all blend together to rush in a new era of our lives.
This is a new chapter, a new door, whatever other cliche phrase you want to use. I remember thinking along similar lines right before entering Walton. But it was different back then. A transition from Dickerson Middle to Walton High, which are separated by only 2 miles, in which almost all of my friends would move with me, and I already knew a decent number of people in high school, compared with a transition from Walton High to Princeton, which are separated by about 850 miles, and where I am actually friends with only four people (facebook does NOT count). Going to Princeton, I am losing my security net of friends that have been with me since middle school. I'm thrown among 1200 other frosh. Oh gosh, do I even know how to make new friends? It's been so long that I've made a friend completely on my own, without being introduced somehow or by someone. And by a friend I mean someone I've kept in touch with beyond that time, such as the college weekend visits. Yes, I know you're thinking that everyone will be in the same situation, but people who are staying in-state are going to college with like half their high school. You truly don't understand the feeling until you're plopped in a myriad of strangers 800 miles away from home and all sense of security.
Friendships aside, academics have me scared like hell. Lucky me to enter Princeton in its era of grade deflation. As Jon said: Silly Harvard-ians and their free A's...while I'm working my ass off to earn what, B's? even worse...C's? Sure it's just a letter, but when you've never seen anything but A's, it's going to be a slap to the face. A feeling of disappointment, of not being good enough, of letting yourself down. Don't roll your eyes at me for being narrow-minded grades-wise. It's just the standard I've grown up with. Also please don't tell me that I'm going to do superbly at Princeton. I don't know why you crazy people think I'm smart..cause I'm not. Sure, maybe you can say that I'm able. I mean I did well at school for the sake of earning grades, and not for knowledge; I memorized and then promptly forgot. After this summer, my brain feels positively empty. If I had to take placement tests, I think I would die. College...is going to be too different. With like what, 3 major grades a semester, I no longer can resort to my memorize-and-forget tactics, cause now the material covered spans like half a semeseter. I'm actually going to have to focus, and not procrastinate. No more essays and projects hastily thrown together the night before. No more homework scribbled the period before. No more crazed memorizing of formulas 5 minutes before the test. Imagine me, actually working for school..pah..But in this aspect I dread going to Princeton and would rejoice if given the chance to return to high school. I'm way too lazy and accustomed to my habits of idling for hours and starting homework past midnight. I already am sick of the countless hours of work that will be put in towards a BSE.
I went through today and cleaned out my buddy list and phone book. I guess its symbolic of breaking the shackles of four years of high school hell. But then again, I have to admit I rather enjoyed high school. I had a lot of older friends to turn to for guidance, and I guess I only really bonded with the people in my grade senior year, when everyone else had graduated. And I found out that the people in my grade aren't such lame-o's after all. Overall, I believe I went through "the high school experience," minus the drugs aspect. I had more fun than I studied, a decent amount of parties, typical high school drama..etc. And plus being on stage at graduation kicked ass. I just can't believe I went through..17 APs...I guess I am an AP whore. What a total waste of money, especially since Walton has a totally gay ass policy. My senior year, they forced us to take the AP exam for alllll of the AP classes we took, or else they would demote the class level on our transcript to honors and only give us honors credit.
What the fuck. Is that even legal? Like, Princeton doesn't even take credit for US gov, comparative gov, or statistics. And I already had credit from Spanish language and English language. Not to mention, in 2006, you could no longer take US gov + comparative gov, microecon + macro econ, and the physics mechanics + physics EMAG for the same fee. So thats 5 AP exams that should not have to be taken, plus 1 AP exam that shouldn't have to have been paid for (the other econ exam), or $492 dollars wasted. And this isn't even taking into account whether my AP exam grades meet Princeton's standards or not. Fuck Walton and its push to make everyyyyone take the AP exam just so it can brag that it had..what? 14,000 AP exams taken this past year? If you want to brag so much, pay for our fucking exams. Bragging rights shouldn't exist at the expense of our pockets. I'm just bitter cause 17 exams = $1193. For $1193, I should have just bought myself 1193 medals and run onstage during graduation...naked. Just kidding.
But anyways. I guess I'm just saying that I'm scared..and the nostalgia is starting to kick in. I'd post sentimental thoughts and a blurb for people and whatnot except Xanga has basically died.
And on a side note, Paul gets back tomorrow =)
